Dear Sodapop
by theprofessormordinsolus
Summary: Why'd everything have to change? Why'd we have to grow up? Life was so simple when we were young. We didn't have worries or fears. We were protected and safe and knew that our daddies would never let anything happen to us. A letter from Soda's wife.


Dear Sodapop,

You know, I can still remember the day that we first met. Can you? We were both young-maybe five or six- and our mama's took us to the park to play. I wanted to play with Steve and Two-Bit but they told me that I couldn't because I was a girl and girls don't like to get dirty. I remember you coming over to the three of us and saying that if they didn't want to play with me, you would.

We became instant friends.

I still remember all the crazy things you made me do, like riding Micky when I told you I was too afraid or dancing spontaneously to your favorite song when it came on the radio.

Why'd everything have to change? Why'd we have to grow up? Life was so simple when we were young. We didn't have orries or fears. We were protected and safe and knew that our daddies would never let anything happen to us. Everything was simpler and easy.

Why'd you make it so easy to fall in love with you, Soda? I never wanted to. I never wanted to. But you gave me those smiles, those hugs and I was in too deep before I even realized it. I was only fourteen. I didn't need that pain. But you made it so easy to fall and hurt myself. Darry saw it. Steve saw it. Hell, even Dally saw it.

Why didn't you?

And then the whole thing with Johnny and Dally happened. Their deaths hurt me more than anything I had ever felt before. For weeks after their deaths, I was a mess. But so were you. You lost more than just two friends. You also love Sandy, the woman you planned to marry. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. But I couldn't make myself walk to your house knowing there would be two less in it.

I should have been there. But I wasn't and I can't go back in time to change it.

Do you remember when I first walked back into your home? How I collapsed as I finally mourned? You held me. You held me and promised that you'd never let me go.

You were seventeen. You didn't have to take care of me. You had your brothers to worry about. But you kept your promise. When you weren't working, you took me out like you did before your parents were killed.

I remember when you first kissed me. My father had just struck me and I was running down the middle of the road in the rain. You remember that? You chased me all the way to the park and demanded me to tell you what was wrong. I told you. I told you everything that was wrong, from my failing grades to the fact that I was in love with you but you were too thick to notice.

That smile you gave me that night, before you bent down and whispered in my ear that you love me too, was the biggest and brightest that I had ever seen. And when you kissed me, it was perfect, beautiful, and magical.

You asked me to marry you. I was only seventeen but I said yes anyway. We were going to marry two weeks after my eighteenth birthday. I had it all planned when you received the letter that shattered every dream I had of you and I.

Everyone knew about the war and that a lot of young men were being shipped off to fight in Vietnam. WE never thought that you'd be one of them. You told me you'd only be gone eighteen months and then we could have the wedding.

When I received your first letter, I cried. I was so happy and relieved. You told me everything, about the men you've met, what kind of weather you were having and what you dreamed about our future. We wrote to each other up until the half way point of your tour when you were allowed three days home.

Do you remember what we did those three days? I said I couldn't wait any longer and that I wanted to marry you. The wedding was the second day that you were home. It was amazing and the night that you gave me was perfect.

When you were sent off again, we continued our letters.

But then-then you had to go and died on me.

I still remember the exact time when I was told. It was a Friday morning, 10:45, and I was cleaning the house. I remember a black BMW pulling into our drive way. A man stepped out of it and walked to the door, looking very solemn.

I remember the words he used: "Mrs. Curtis, there was a…bombing, earlier in the week, as you might have heard. WE just received the names of the officers who were killed. Mrs. Curtis, I'm so sorry, but your husband, he was one of them."

Why'd it have to be you? You can't really be gone. You were supposed to come home. You weren't supposed to die.

Your funeral passed in a blur of tears and blocked out words. I was in a daze. That body in the casket can't belong to you. You're still fighting in Vietnam. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that wasn't true.

I want to die. I can't breathe without you. You promised me forever. Now I'll never have it.

The night after your funeral, I was reading through our old letters when I realized there was one thing I never told you in the letters I sent the last three months before your death. It wasn't how much I loved you or how your brothers were doing. I told you everything that was going on in Tulsa like Curly being locked in the cooler and Pony getting the girl that he'd liked for months. No, I told you all that.

I never told you that you were going to be a Daddy.

Goddamn it, Soda, why'd you have to go? Why couldn't you stay? You were supposed to help me raise a family. I don't know if I can do it alone.

This is my last letter, Sodapop. I need to move on. I can't stop living because you're gone. I can't because I have to be strong for our child.

I love you.


End file.
